The World According to Craig

THE NEW BOOK BASED ON THE BOX OFFICE SMASH

Have you ever seen this written on the cover of a book? I'm guessing not. How is it that Hollywood is able to get away with such a lack of originality? Only about 10% of the movies playing in the theater right now are from original source material. Everything else falls into one of three other categories.

1.) Hung Jury:Based on the novel by John Grisham-How many crappy John Grisham novels do we really need to have made into movies? That guy shovels shit out of his ass at a rate faster than even James Patterson. I must admit that some movies based on books,novellas, short stories, Napoleon Dynamite poems, etc. are great, but we need to tone it down a hair.

2.) Poop in the Woods:Inspired by a true story-Everything these days is inspired by a true story. What the fuck does that even mean? I peed on a window the other day and it inspired me to make a movie about a boy and his pet fork. Sounds good. Let's make it into a summer blockbuster starring Freddy Muniz as the boy and Wilmer Valderamma as the voice of the CGI fork.

3.) I don't even need to make up movie titles for this third and final category.

Big Momma's House 2
Rocky VI
MI:3
Final Destination 3
Underworld 2
TLOTR: Frodo and Sam's Wedding
The Tuxedo 2: Cumberbund Conflict in New Tokyo

I honestly believe that the heads of all of the major studios are secretly controlled by Jay and he forces them to pump out this crap. What else could explain this influx of crappy sequels into the theaters?

All I ask is that Hollywood attempts to come up with more original material. I understand that a ton of movies are made every year, but lets try and improve upon the ratio of original to crap.

posted by Craig Geiger @ 4:47 PM