At the behest of JW
JW has suggested that I move my failing blog to the pages of MySpace. That way I will get more exposure and more offers to do porn. I have been hesitant to drop everything and move, but I guess a little change can be good. Look for new blog material on my MySpace page.
Black History Month
This post seems fitting as February is Black History Month.
Today I read an article on ESPN.com that spoke to the ignorant remarks recently made by Bryant Gumbel on HBO's Real Sports. Apparently Mr. Gumbel hates the Winter Olympics with a passion. I have no problem with that. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I hate NASCAR with a passion. The next comment he made was the one that I found to be asinine.
"So try not to laugh when someone says these are the world’s greatest athletes, despite a paucity of blacks that makes the Winter Games look like a
GOP convention."
Excuse me, Mr. Gumbel, if the number of black athletes participating in the Winter Olympics is too few for you to stomach. Should we boycott the games all together? Should we fly black males over to Austria, Sweden and Norway so that they can procreate and create the next Tayshaun Meier? Should we apologize for the fact that most of Europe never had slaves? Unfortunately that is what this boils down to. Historically the Olympic Winter Games have been dominated by European countries that have long cold winters and a demographic that is made up of caucasian men and women. Can't we just embrace that fact? Why do we need to bring race into every conversation? Why couldn't OJ Simpson just be a murderer? Why did he need to be a black man?
The ESPN.com article brought up a great argument to counteract Mr. Gumbel's ignorance. How should we deal with the NBA All Star Game which for the fifth time in eight years featured not a single white athlete? (I find this hard to believe, however, as Dirk most definitely would have been on the team. Kevin please follow up on this.) Should we ignore the NBA, because its ratio of black to white is 100 to 1? (I actually don't think that is a bad idea, not because of the low ratio, but because of the fact that the NBA bores me to pieces.) Irregardless, if a white broadcaster/columnist had made similar remarks that person would have been burnt at the stake and their resignation would have been called for. Why does this double standard exist? Why is it that if a white person makes a joke about watermelon they are a racist, but if a black person calls you a cracker they are just opressed?
THE NEW BOOK BASED ON THE BOX OFFICE SMASH
Have you ever seen this written on the cover of a book? I'm guessing not. How is it that Hollywood is able to get away with such a lack of originality? Only about 10% of the movies playing in the theater right now are from original source material. Everything else falls into one of three other categories.
1.) Hung Jury:Based on the novel by John Grisham-How many crappy John Grisham novels do we really need to have made into movies? That guy shovels shit out of his ass at a rate faster than even James Patterson. I must admit that some movies based on books,novellas, short stories, Napoleon Dynamite poems, etc. are great, but we need to tone it down a hair.
2.) Poop in the Woods:Inspired by a true story-Everything these days is inspired by a true story. What the fuck does that even mean? I peed on a window the other day and it inspired me to make a movie about a boy and his pet fork. Sounds good. Let's make it into a summer blockbuster starring Freddy Muniz as the boy and Wilmer Valderamma as the voice of the CGI fork.
3.) I don't even need to make up movie titles for this third and final category.
Big Momma's House 2
Rocky VI
MI:3
Final Destination 3
Underworld 2
TLOTR: Frodo and Sam's Wedding
The Tuxedo 2: Cumberbund Conflict in New Tokyo
I honestly believe that the heads of all of the major studios are secretly controlled by Jay and he forces them to pump out this crap. What else could explain this influx of crappy sequels into the theaters?
All I ask is that Hollywood attempts to come up with more original material. I understand that a ton of movies are made every year, but lets try and improve upon the ratio of original to crap.
This blog is lame.
Soon. I promise.
Jay is so Crockett!
Miami Vice: Season 1 coming to DVD Tuesday January 31st.*
*Graphic Design by LAH Artists Inc.
Como Estoy?
Sorry that I haven't posted in quite some time, but I have been extremely busy. I just got promoted to Senior Temp at the sweat shop. This entails some extra responsibility as you can imagine. Por ejemplo, I was given a whip to use any time one of the workers tries to catch a fly with chopsticks. I also get to supervise the rice maker during lunch. The day are long and the nights are hard, but so far it is worth it.
Also, I have been busy collaborating with John's best man on a debauchery filled weekend in NYC. The only instruction I have been given is meatball titties-Rachel Ray style. I'm not exactly sure what that is about, but I will go with it. It is not often that John gives a directive so I will do my best not to fuck it up. See you in a couple of months buddy. Wait....Don't you live in Santa Cruz? Fag.
Congatulations to Kevin on his promotion. I guess puking/shitting yourself at work really does pay off. He will now be able to upgrade from Mumm's to Dom Perignon. I wish you all the best. Don't fuck it up this time. If you meet a girl with pointy shoes, run!
All right! Hoops
When did the women start playing the men?
Breaking hoops news!!!
I don't know how we did it folks, but we have found a picture of Brendan Tuohy playing basketball back in '88. For those of you who do not know, Brendan was infamous for hitting the ceiling with his shots (although you would not suspect it from this picture of Tuohy "D"-ing up hard) ...
Jose had a figurine made...
Kiss Me. I'm Drunk.
Dutton goes in for the kill.
Dude, Where's my Car?
Tuohy explains habeus corpus while Kevin attempts to remember where he is.
I AM A ROBOT
