Brenda Warner's MANDATORY Download of the Week
Jay has agreed to step aside this week so that the lovely/handsome? Brenda Warner can join the festivities. As many of you already know Brenda Warner is the husband/wife? of NFL quarterback Kurt Warner. She is also a dead ringer for the Jay LaPointe look alike contest being held this weekend in Keene, NH. Brenda shares a similar taste in music with Jay and that is why he has agreed to step aside this week. So without further adieu I now present the Brenda Warner MANDATORY download of the week.
Weapons of Mass Distortion by the Crystal Method
Not only is this song fucking amazing, but it is found on the Blade:Trinity soundtrack. Now for those of you that haven't seen any of the Blade movies you are missing out. Wesley Snipes is probably the most talented blaction actor of all time. To quote Passenger 57 "Always bet on black". Enjoy.
Top 5 Quirky Comedy Movies
I like so many different genres of movies that I feel as if it wouldn't be fair to make a general listing of my top 5 movies of all time. Instead I will break them down into subcategories in the weeks to come. Enjoy the inagural edition. Please check these movies out if you haven't done so already.
1.) The Big Lebowski-"Nobody Fucks with the Jesus"
2.) The Royal Tennanbaums- "Here I come"
3.) Made-"Don't hit me with your fucking whip"
4.) Napoleon Dynamite-"I like your sleeves"
5.) Bottle Rocket-This is the one that I am sure not many people have seen. Check it out. It's the debut of Owen and Luke.
MANDATORY Download of the Week
I am a day late with my MANDATORY Download of the week and boy have I been getting some interesting e-mails from my loyal followers. Here are a few samples:
Skip from Seattle writes: I live in my parent's basement. I have Star Wars sheets. I work at the mall.
Well I don't know what he is trying to accomplish with that, but thanks for the e-mail.
Earl from Cleveland writes: I live with Maude and Darryl. I am Mark Hammil's gay lover. I work at Orange Julius.
I have a funny feeling that Skip and Earl are the same person. Thanks again for the e-mails. You always make my day with that.
Now to the MANDATORY download of the week. This was a hard choice this week because of the copious amounts of kick ass music out there. I have chosen
No Brakes by
The Bravery.Disco Rock at it's finest. Please check it out. If you don't I will send Skip/Earl to your house.
Arrested Development
I have heard many rumors lately concerning the demise of one of the top ten shows of the last twenty years. If this is true it would be a total shame. I think the main problem is that
Arrested Development is too smart for the masses. When American Idol is the #1 show in America you know that the country is 85% intarded?
Arrested Development is one of those shows that has very subtle humor and therefore only about 5% of the country gets it. Look at the #1 comedy in America
. Everybody Hates Raymond. The comedy is so juvenile that you can almost predict what idiotic situation Raymond is going to get himself into next. Fox will probably be replacing
Arrested Development with
America's Wildest Bar Mitzvahs next season. Please do me a favor and check it out if you haven't done so already. Unfortunately it may be too late.
Probably the most disturbing picture I have ever seen!
This picture is disgusting. MLB should be ashamed of themselves. Jason Giambi goes from anorexic ball player to the Incredible Hulk and they just assume he was eating his Wheaties.
Fuck the Yankees. Fuck Jason Giambi. Fuck his apology to the fans. Fuck those that cheered him for being an Anabolic Hero. Well I have exceeded my F bomb limit so I will have to end my post here.
In other news: Jeremy Giambi admitted to using steroids. I hope this shocking revelation doesn't have an adverse effect on his career.
Jay's MANDATORY Download of the Week
This is all very exciting. My buddy Jay has volunteered to be a special correspondent and give us a weekly MANDATORY download. Jay's musical interests include some of the greatest artists and songs of all time. Including but not limited to Shaggy, Wilson Phillips and Carl Douglas. Who is Carl Douglas you ask? Well you are in for a great treat today friends because the answer to your question leads us to the MANDATORY download of the week. Carl Douglas is the legendary singer of the 1974 hit "Kung Fu Fighting". My first introduction to this song was back in college when I heard a faint echo of brilliance radiating from Jay's room. He labeled it as "fun". I labeled it as "pure genius". Never before has an artist been able to blend talent and good times into a single song. Do yourself a favor and download this gem. You won't be sorry.
Warning: This song may cause your ears to bleed if listened to repeatedly.
Is There Anything Gayer?
I don't even know if gayer is a real word, but is there anything gayer than two guys riding in a convertible? Everyone has seen it, but has anyone ever done anything to stop it. The worst part is you know they aren't gay. The gay guys would be driving around in a VW Beetle or Jetta not a convertible. If a friend of mine had a convertible and offered me a ride in it I would probably kick his ass. You have to draw the line somewhere. So next time you see this monstrocity do something about it. You could yell at them to "Get a room" or you could throw something manly at them like an outside jockstrap. Remember, the world can't change without your help.
The Best
Have you ever wanted to be the best at something? Well it's possible. All you need to do is make up something that cannot possibly be proven wrong and then tell yourself that you are the best at it. I'll give you an example. I'm the best whisperer. Are you seriously going to try and prove that I'm not the best whisperer? Good luck with that one. Another thing you can try is telling other people that you have the best something or other. For example. I have the best urinary tract. I mean is it really possible for someone to disprove that. I knew this guy in college who was the "Best Small Rebounder in the Whittemore Center". We couldn't prove otherwise so we just went along with it. Next time you are feeling like you aren't the best at something try my little trick and I guarantee it will brighten up your day.
Favorite 80's TV Shows
Remember these two wild and crazy guys? I mean is there anything more ridiculous than this photo? Hi, I'm from a small Greek island that doesn't even exist and therefore I dress like a boner. Who thinks up these shows?
Introducing: The MANDATORY Downlaod of the Week.
I am a huge music fan and I spend close to $20 a week on ITUNES. I mostly download Old School boy band stuff like Menudo and New Edition, but occasionally I find some good music that I like to recommend. Each week I will list a song that is a MANDATORY download. If you don't download the song I will never know, but you may just wake up one morning without a toe. This week's mandatory download is
Dry the Rain by
The Beta Band. It was featured in the movie "High Fidelity". For those of you that don't know, "High Fidelity" was based on a novel written by Nick Hornby. He coincidentally wrote a book called "Fever Pitch" which chronicled the antics of a rabid Arsenal fan. This book became the inspiration for the newly released movie about a crazed Boston Red Sox Fan that was titled oddly enough "Fever Pitch". Curt Schilling happens to be a member of the Red Sox. See how everything gets routed back to my man crush. Stay tuned for a special edition of the MANDATORY download coming Friday.
5 celebrities I am allowed to gobang if I ever encounter them.
1.) Natalie Portman-As Lewry would sketchily say "There's just something about her" However he would say this about Star Jones and not Natalie Portman.
2.) Kate Bosworth-Hottest chick on the planet right now, but she is listed at #2 because Natalie Portman at #1 is more in my league.
3.) Ashley Judd-An older woman and a college basketball fan all rolled into one. Need I say more.
4.) Jenifer Garner-She's hot and dating a Red Sox fan. Hey I'm a Red Sox fan.
5.) Scarlett Johansson-No explanation necessary.
Look at Kevin in this picture. Choose from one of the options listed below to determine what is happening.
A. He has to take a shit but he knows there are ketchup packets under the toilet seat so he is trying to hold it in.
B. He is trying to recreate the infamous photo from the Fiesta Party Boat.
C. He is thinking to himself "I can't believe I made out with Melissa last night. Do you think Jay will find out?"
Here I am with the regional drummer of Megadeth. You can't make this stuff up. Look at his Old Navy Wind Pants. Pure metal. I think he is wearing a Seal T-shirt as well. The singer not the animal. Notice the fact that my face is a little distorted. This is a result of Joe Megadeth telling me about some work he did on the Demon Knight soundtrack. I asked him if he got to meet the crypt keeper but he just looked at me with a blank stare and responded "You remind me of the Jerky Boys". I repeat you cannot make this stuff up.
Man Crush
Special thanks to Ken Slaw for bringing this word into everyday vocabulary. A man crush is a certain special affection that you feel for a prominent male usually a sports figure. I happen to have a man crush on Curt Schilling. My buddy Kevin happens to have a man crush on the 1994-95 Boston Celtics. (Yes, that includes Acie Earl) My buddy Jay has a crush on Will Clark. Notice how I didn't put man before the crush on Will Clark. I will leave that one open to your interpertation. All guys have man crushes. Write back and let me know some of yours.
Ahnald
I had the pleasure of seeing my idol Ahnald the Governator up close and personal last week as he was giving a reform speech at work. As many of you may know I enjoy impersonating him and it made my day to be able to hear him speak. He actually sounded quite convincing and I was surprised at how he was able to string words together to make sentences. He spoke of reforming California. He spoke of budgets and revenues, but I am convinced he had no idea what he was saying. I'm also convinced that he isn't really from Austria, but just a little slow. He ended his speech by uttering the words "I'll be Back" Has a catch phrase ever gotten more use than that little doozy? If Keanu Reeves were to become President would he end every speech with "Whoa"? If Dave Coulier became Prime Minister of Canada would he end every session of Parliament with "Cut it Out"? I doubt it. All in all it was neat to see a fading celebrity. I hear
Jingle All the Way 2: Sinbad's Pants comes out next Christmas so stayed tuned for that one.
Two Buck Chuck
If you like cheap red wine. I know I certainly do. Check out Charles Shaw Cabernet Sauvignon or Merlot. It sells for $2 in California and $3 elsewhere. Go to
www.traderjoes.com to find the nearest location.
