Amendment to the Top 5 Disney Movies of All Time
My apologies to all that had just bronze plated my listing of the top 5 Disney movies of all time, but I made a glaring ommision and need to correct it. In my haste to post new material I have overlooked the animated classic Robin Hood. This is truly one of the great Disney movies and I am prepared to move it all the way to the top spot. This move bumps Tuck Everlasting to # 2 and The Incredibles to #6. Sorry Craig T. Nelson. Ironically the # 1 and # 2 movies now deal with some sort of tuck. Robin Hood's Friar Tuck and the namesake everlasting tuck from our newly minted # 2 movie. Please check out these movies if you haven't done so already. Thanks.
Top 5 Disney Movies of All Time
In order to pay tribute to the 50th Anniversary of the "Happiest Place on Earth" I have compiled a list of my 5 favorite Disney movies.
5.) The Incredibles-All of the Pixar movies are incredible but this one truly stands out.
4.) The Flight of the Navigator-I remember watching this movie over and over again on Beta.
3.) The Shaggy D.A.-Disney's answer for
Vice Versa and
Like Father Like Son. Pure genius.
2.) The Lion King-The pinnacle of Disney Animation. They don't make animated movies quite like this anymore.
1.) Tuck Everlasting-The title says it all.
Top 5 Worst Game Shows of All Time
Being unemployed forces you to spend a little too much time in front of the TV watching everything from Bad Education: The Pamela Smart Story to reruns of Yes, Dear. Through all of this horrid programming I have grown quite fond of GSN or The Game Show Network. Every night they show episodes of Who wants to be a Millionaire? and The Amazing Race. Every day they show episodes of some really awful game shows that should never have aired in the first place but are now being replayed for all of eternity. The following is a list of the top 5 Worst Game Shows of All Time. Counting down from 5 to 1.
5.) The Price is Right-I realize that I am going to get a lot of flak regarding this entry, but if you actually stop and think about it you will agree. Why in the world does anybody care what the actual retail price of an automatic leaf bagger is? Why should someone be rewarded for knowing this? People get so excited by this show, but once it is broken down you can see it for what it really is. The #5 Worst Game Show of All Time.
4.) Lingo-I think this one is brand spanking new. However it may be an update on an older version. The show is hosted by Chuck Woolery. I don't have any complaints about this guy as I think he does a fine job and the Love Connection was great, but man o man is this show lame. The contestants are given one letter and from that one letter they have to guess a five letter word. If you thought Wheel of Fortune was bad give this one a try. Plus the contestants are idiots. One of them tried to use the word solts. As far as I know that isn't a word. I'm pretty sure Chuck laughed and called them a doofus.
3.) Shop Til You Drop-A cheap rip-off of Supermarket Sweep and one of Jay's favorite game shows. Go for the VCR!
2.) Hollywood Squares-I don't know what bothers me more, the prescence of Bruce Villanche or the fact that the people in the squares are actually considered celebrities. Previous square holders have included the likes of Kathy Nijimy, Chuck Norris, Jim J. Bullock and Shadoe Stevens. What a joke. Speaking of jokes. I love how they always have to throw a joke in before they answer the question. Good one Whoopi.
1.) The Weakest Link-This show grew out of NBC's need to win back the large portion of their audience who had jumped ship during the Millionaire craze of the late 1990's. This show would be #2 if you were basing it only on the host. However if you factor in the stupidity of the contestants and game format you easily get the Worst Game Show of All Time. It isn't even a contest. The fact that the weakest link is voted on by the other contestants and is not based on statistics is just plain stupid. The Weakest Link is the weakest link. Goodbye.
Pop Quiz! Hot Shot. What do you do?
The following quiz is not original material. It was taken from an e-mail sent to me by Spike LaPointe. It raises an extremely good point and it dictates that racial profiling at our airports might not be a bad idea. Opponents of this will argue by bringing up the name of Timothy McVeigh and how he was a white male American. If terrorist attacks are 99% Muslim male extremists between the ages of 17 and 40 vs. 1% Bible wielding Rednecks, couldn't you agree that racial profiling might help to thwart any future terrorist attacks. I'm not saying that we should harass all people of Middle Eastern descent, but if a 34 year old male named Mohammed Shiek Mohammed comes through your security line don't you think he should be checked more thoroughly than some old dude that is going to need to change his Depends* after you finish searching him. Well enough of my extreme views. Take the quiz and let me know what you think.
Please pause a moment, reflect back, and take the following multiple choice test. The events are actual events from history. They actually happened! Do you remember?
1. 1968 Bobby Kennedy was shot and killed by
a. Superman
b. Jay Leno
c. Harry Potter
d. a Muslim male extremist between the ages of 17 and 40
2. In 1972 at the Munich Olympics, athletes were kidnapped and massacred by
a. Olga Corbett
b. Sitting Bull
c. Arnold Schwarzenegger
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
3.. In 1979, the US embassy in Iran was taken over by:
a.. Lost Norwegians
b. Elvis
c. A tour bus full of 80-year-old women
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
4. During the 1980's a number of Americans were kidnapped in Lebanon by:
a. John Dillinger
b. The King of Sweden
c. The Boy Scouts
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
5. In 1983, the US Embassy in Beirut was blown up by:
a. A pizza delivery boy
b. Pee Wee Herman
c. Geraldo Rivera
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
6. In 1985 the cruise ship Achille Lauro was hijacked and a 70 year old American passenger was murdered and thrown overboard in his wheelchair by:
a. The Smurfs
b. Davy Jones
c. The Little Mermaid
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
7. In 1985 TWA flight 847 was hijacked at Athens, and a US Navy diver trying to rescue passengers was murdered by:
a. Captain Kidd
b. Charles Lindberg
c. Mother Teresa
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
8. In 1988, Pan Am Flight 103 was bombed by:
a. Scooby Doo
b. The Tooth Fairy
c. Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
9. In 1993 the World Trade Center was bombed the first time by:
a. Richard Simmons
b. Grandma Moses
c. Michael Jordan
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
10. In 1998, the US embassies in Kenya and Tanzania were bombed by:
a. Mr. Rogers
b. Hillary Clinton, to distract attention from Wild Bill's women problems
c. The World Wrestling Federation
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
11. On 9/11/01, four airliners were hijacked; two were used as missiles to take out the World Trade Centers and of the remaining two, one crashed into the US Pentagon and the other was diverted and crashed by the passengers. Thousands of people were killed by:
a. Bugs Bunny, Wiley E Coyote, Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd
b. The Supreme Court of Florida
c. Mr. Bean
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
12. In 2002 the United States fought a war in Afghanistan against:
a. Enron
b. The Lutheran Church
c. The NFL
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
13. In 2002 reporter Daniel Pearl was kidnapped and murdered by:
a. Bonnie and Clyde
b. Captain Kangaroo
c. Billy Graham
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
Nope, .I really don't see a pattern here to justify profiling, do you? So, to ensure we Americans never offend anyone, particularly fanatics intent on killing us, airport security screeners will no longer be allowed to profile certain people. They must conduct random searches of 80-year-old women, little kids, airline pilots with proper identification, secret agents who are members of the President's security detail, 85-year old Congressmen with metal hips, and Medal of Honor winning and former Governor Joe Foss, but leave Muslim Males between the ages 17 and 40 alone lest they be guilty of profiling. Let's send this to as many people as we can so that the Gloria Aldreds and other dunder-headed attorneys along with Federal Justices that want to thwart common sense, feel doubly ashamed of themselves -- if they have any such sense. As the writer of the award winning story "Forrest Gump" so aptly put it, "Stupid is as stupid does." And guess who just bombed London - twice??
*This post is brought to you by Depends. For the best in adult diapers seek the brand that you can depend on.
Look for this ad in the new issue of Blender.
Blender, which is basically Maxim with some music charts thrown in for good measure, is very excited about the prospects of the T Diaper. They have agreed to run a new ad campaign highlighting it's use in everyday life. Here is the first such ad. Enjoy.
Great Innoventions of the 21st Century!
Great Innoventions of the 21st Century!
As most of you are aware, Depends* Adult Diapers, is currently sponsoring some of my posts. This is very exciting because it signifys my first corporate sponsorship. They don't actually give me any sponsorship money, but they do give me all the free diapers that I can get my hands on.
Having a plethora of diapers at my disposal has allowed me to come up with what I feel is going to be one of the Great Innoventions of the 21st Century. I don't want to take a dump on all of the other innoventions, but I feel mine is the best. And now I present to you the one and only T Diaper.
As you can see from the picture above the T Diaper is just like all other diapers except for the fact that it displays the T logo. For those of you that do not know, the T stands for the MBTA. The MBTA is the most backwards ass, unreliable and crappy form of public transportation. I traveled to work for two straight years on the T and had many an episode that would require a T diaper. Kevin who has been taking the T for three straight years can also attest to the need for this very valuable T diaper.
I'm sure all of you are wondering why on earth you would need a diaper to ride the T. Let me fill you in on that.
Picture yourself going out on a typical Wednesday night. Maybe you and your buddies are going down to the local pub for some pub trivia. Your excuse for going out was to win a crappy trophy, but all you really wanted to do was drink like a fish and then go back to your apartment and order chinese food. After eating only one crab rangoon and two forkfuls of pork fried rice you decide to turn in for the night. Realizing that it is already 3:00 a.m. and you have to wake up at 6:30 a.m. for work you decide to skip all tasks and go straight to bed. Upon waking up at 6:30 a.m. (still drunk of course) you stumble out of bed and attempt to find an outfit that may or may not be clean. Your stomach is really bothering you and it could lead to explosive diarrhea at any moment, but alas you are running late and attempt to hold it until you get to work. Feeling better you walk the 3/4 of a mile to the bus stop where you will have to wait for the bus that is to come every ten minutes. As the bus stop comes into view you spot two buses fly by you. These buses are following so close behind each other that they could almost be californicating. No problem. You can just wait for the next one to arrive. Ten minutes pass by and still nothing. You feel a sharp pain in your stomach and you attempt to hold it in. Another ten minutes passes by and the bus pulls up to the stop. Excited to sit down and relax you are quickly smacked in the face with the realization that there are no seats available. People are standing all down the aisle and there is only a small space between you the driver and the door. This should be a challenge. As you look around for some comfort you happen upon two open seats. The two seats next to the open ones are being occupied by some Asian women. Surely they wouldn't mind you sitting with them. However the sly Asian women have hatched a grand scheme to disallow anyone to sit next to them. How can they do this you ask? By sitting in the aisle seat and not the window seat they have single handedly dashed any hope of you getting a seat. Oh well you can just stand for the rest of the journey as it is only a four mile drive. That should only take about 10-15 minutes right? Wrong! The bus turns on to the Mass Pike and the gridlock begins. The sharp pain in your stomach starts in again and you have no choice but to clench your fists while clenching both ass cheeks together in an attempt to delay the inevitable. If only you had some water to possibly alleviate your precarious situation. The situation is getting worse and you are wondering if there is any chance of you not shitting yourself on this crowded bus in front of 50 other people. Millions of thoughts go racing through your mind. What happens if I do shit my pants? Do I get off the bus or do I stay on? Do I smile and point to the person standing next to me if it starts to smell? Do I take off my button down shirt and tie it around my waist so that no one notices the brown stain on my pants? Do I throw my dirty underwear at the Asian women who could have avoided this situation by allowing me to sit next to them? (I gotta have my Pops.) Thankfully all of these thoughts have kept your mind off of your situation. The pain in your stomach is starting to go away. You think you're going to make it after all. The bus is finally pulling up to the stop. Now all you need to do is walk another 3/4 of a mile to work and then you will be home free. The ordeal is over, or is it? On the walk to work the pain starts up again. Shit. Literally. You run into South Station, past the crack whore and the homeless hippie and straight into the restroom. Salvation. You are now able to relieve yourself. You may be a few minutes late for work but at this point who cares. Disaster avoided.
Disaster avoided. That is an interesting way to look at it. It should be more like disaster never an issue. What if there was a way to nip this problem in the bud before you can even say oops? Well there is now. Introducing the T diaper. The T diaper allows you to shit yourself while riding public transportation and no one else needs to be the wiser. My suggestion is to just let it fly as soon as possible. Don't try and avoid the inevitable.
I am introducing this exciting product to the Boston market, but hopefully will be able to expand into New York, San Francisco, Los Angeles and Chicago if the demand is strong.
For a limited time only the T diapers are available at the bargain basement price of $9.95 for a box of ten diapers. Please check out the product website at
www.oopscrappedmypantsagainhowcaniavoidthis.comI look forward to serving you. Thanks.
Craig Geiger
President
T Diapers Inc.
*This post is brought to you by Depends. For the best in adult diapers seek the brand that you can depend on.
Who's Ponytail is That?
It's time to play everyone's favorite game of "Who's ponytail is that?" (Hint: It doesn't belong to Ponyboy Curtis)
Please submit your answer by 5:00 PM EST on Friday August 5th in order to be eligible to win prizes.
1st Prize: A "My name is ...." T-shirt
2nd Prize: A picture of Kevin with the mullet wig
3rd. Prize: A picture of Jesse wearing the Uncle Heavy Hoghat
Good luck to everyone who enters.
MANDATORY Album Download of the Week!
Welcome back faithful servants. Sorry for the lack of recent posts, but being unempoyed is tough and I haven't been able to find any free time. I haven't posted a MANDATORY song download in quite sometime so I have decided to make up for this by mandating an entire album.
Hold on to your Depends* because here we go.
Now Kevin will accuse me of posting something that is too old and that has already been discovered, but this album is too good to overlook. I have not mentioned this band on the blog before now and I feel that the time is right.
The Arcade Fire-Funeral
I was in Best Buy a couple of weeks ago and saw this as one of the albums that is on display when you walk in the store. This was a complete suprise. I am crossing my fingers that this album never ends up with the Jay LaPointe seal of approval. If that occurs you must destroy all copies and you must instruct all your friends to do the same. It is a necessary precaution to prevent the rest of your music collection from sucking. The only exceptions to this rule are Guster and the whatnot.
Please check it out and let me know what you think.
Until next time. Goodbye Cruel World....
*This post is brought to you by Depends. For the best in adult diapers seek the brand that you can depend on.
Introducing: Strange and Interesting Posts
Every week I will find a strange and interesting post from a certain website that shares it name with me.
Enjoy!
I have a special event planned for this coming Tuesday and I need a midget to serve drinks. This could lead to a permanent postion... Must be over 21.End of Post.
