The World According to Craig

Great Innoventions of the 21st Century!

Great Innoventions of the 21st Century!

As most of you are aware, Depends* Adult Diapers, is currently sponsoring some of my posts. This is very exciting because it signifys my first corporate sponsorship. They don't actually give me any sponsorship money, but they do give me all the free diapers that I can get my hands on.

Having a plethora of diapers at my disposal has allowed me to come up with what I feel is going to be one of the Great Innoventions of the 21st Century. I don't want to take a dump on all of the other innoventions, but I feel mine is the best. And now I present to you the one and only T Diaper.

As you can see from the picture above the T Diaper is just like all other diapers except for the fact that it displays the T logo. For those of you that do not know, the T stands for the MBTA. The MBTA is the most backwards ass, unreliable and crappy form of public transportation. I traveled to work for two straight years on the T and had many an episode that would require a T diaper. Kevin who has been taking the T for three straight years can also attest to the need for this very valuable T diaper.

I'm sure all of you are wondering why on earth you would need a diaper to ride the T. Let me fill you in on that.

Picture yourself going out on a typical Wednesday night. Maybe you and your buddies are going down to the local pub for some pub trivia. Your excuse for going out was to win a crappy trophy, but all you really wanted to do was drink like a fish and then go back to your apartment and order chinese food. After eating only one crab rangoon and two forkfuls of pork fried rice you decide to turn in for the night. Realizing that it is already 3:00 a.m. and you have to wake up at 6:30 a.m. for work you decide to skip all tasks and go straight to bed. Upon waking up at 6:30 a.m. (still drunk of course) you stumble out of bed and attempt to find an outfit that may or may not be clean. Your stomach is really bothering you and it could lead to explosive diarrhea at any moment, but alas you are running late and attempt to hold it until you get to work. Feeling better you walk the 3/4 of a mile to the bus stop where you will have to wait for the bus that is to come every ten minutes. As the bus stop comes into view you spot two buses fly by you. These buses are following so close behind each other that they could almost be californicating. No problem. You can just wait for the next one to arrive. Ten minutes pass by and still nothing. You feel a sharp pain in your stomach and you attempt to hold it in. Another ten minutes passes by and the bus pulls up to the stop. Excited to sit down and relax you are quickly smacked in the face with the realization that there are no seats available. People are standing all down the aisle and there is only a small space between you the driver and the door. This should be a challenge. As you look around for some comfort you happen upon two open seats. The two seats next to the open ones are being occupied by some Asian women. Surely they wouldn't mind you sitting with them. However the sly Asian women have hatched a grand scheme to disallow anyone to sit next to them. How can they do this you ask? By sitting in the aisle seat and not the window seat they have single handedly dashed any hope of you getting a seat. Oh well you can just stand for the rest of the journey as it is only a four mile drive. That should only take about 10-15 minutes right? Wrong! The bus turns on to the Mass Pike and the gridlock begins. The sharp pain in your stomach starts in again and you have no choice but to clench your fists while clenching both ass cheeks together in an attempt to delay the inevitable. If only you had some water to possibly alleviate your precarious situation. The situation is getting worse and you are wondering if there is any chance of you not shitting yourself on this crowded bus in front of 50 other people. Millions of thoughts go racing through your mind. What happens if I do shit my pants? Do I get off the bus or do I stay on? Do I smile and point to the person standing next to me if it starts to smell? Do I take off my button down shirt and tie it around my waist so that no one notices the brown stain on my pants? Do I throw my dirty underwear at the Asian women who could have avoided this situation by allowing me to sit next to them? (I gotta have my Pops.) Thankfully all of these thoughts have kept your mind off of your situation. The pain in your stomach is starting to go away. You think you're going to make it after all. The bus is finally pulling up to the stop. Now all you need to do is walk another 3/4 of a mile to work and then you will be home free. The ordeal is over, or is it? On the walk to work the pain starts up again. Shit. Literally. You run into South Station, past the crack whore and the homeless hippie and straight into the restroom. Salvation. You are now able to relieve yourself. You may be a few minutes late for work but at this point who cares. Disaster avoided.

Disaster avoided. That is an interesting way to look at it. It should be more like disaster never an issue. What if there was a way to nip this problem in the bud before you can even say oops? Well there is now. Introducing the T diaper. The T diaper allows you to shit yourself while riding public transportation and no one else needs to be the wiser. My suggestion is to just let it fly as soon as possible. Don't try and avoid the inevitable.

I am introducing this exciting product to the Boston market, but hopefully will be able to expand into New York, San Francisco, Los Angeles and Chicago if the demand is strong.

For a limited time only the T diapers are available at the bargain basement price of $9.95 for a box of ten diapers. Please check out the product website at

www.oopscrappedmypantsagainhowcaniavoidthis.com

I look forward to serving you. Thanks.

Craig Geiger
President
T Diapers Inc.


*This post is brought to you by Depends. For the best in adult diapers seek the brand that you can depend on.

posted by Craig Geiger @ 3:54 PM