The Meatheads are throwing the Keg
A Meathead is defined in Webster's dictionary as follows:
A stupid or dull person.
El Merced (my apartment complex) is crawling with these Meatheads. Everwhere you look there is some guy with a dumb look on his face and muscles so big he can't even walk straight. Last Sunday I was sitting out by the pool when out of nowhere a Meathead convention commenced. Almost immediately the Meatheads started wrestling each other in the pool. A girl came over and handed two of the Meatheads inflatable rafts. Any normal person would have used the raft to float in the pool. The Meatheads gave the girl a confused look and then proceeded to beat each other with the rafts. I immediately thought of the famous Ape scene from 2001: A Space Odyssey. I could not help but laugh at these two moronic beings. In order to pay tribute to these two idiots I have compiled a list of various Meathead characteristics for you to recognize in your everyday life. Enjoy.
Car of choice: Jeep Wrangler, Ford Mustang, Chevy Camaro
Always seen carrying: A football.
Must have tattoo: Tribal ring
Shirt of Choice: Extremely tight white or black button down shirt untucked.
Wearing Makeup?: You bet
Greg moves to the OC! and the MANDATORY Download of the Week!
You read it here first. I am going back to where I belong. Next weekend Sarah and I move to the OC! I can't wait to try my hand at surfing and running on the beach. I am also looking forward to hanging out at the Bait Shop and perusing the new issue of
Newport Living. In order to pay tribute to my new locale the MANDATORY Download of the week is a song that was featured on a recent episode of The OC.
The Party's Crashing Us by
Of MontrealPeace out!
STAR WARS Episode III-SPOILER ALERT
I saw the new Star Wars last night and I must say that is was one of the worst movies I have ever seen. Not only was the movie awful, but it had some shocking revelations about some of the characters.
1.) C3-PO is gay. How can that be? He didn't seem gay in episodes I-II and IV-VI.
2.) Mace Windu isn't a real Jedi. I guess he skipped the Jedi training because of some Galactic Affirmative Action law.
3.) Darth Vader is Anakin Skywalker. Wait a second. Doesn't that mean Darth Vader is Luke's father? This changes everything. I wonder if that is what Vader meant in
Empire when he said "Luke, I am your father."
Whatever you do this weekend make sure that you go see this movie. Even if you don't like Star Wars, the revelations alone will be worth it.
Guy Smiley's MANDATORY Download of the Week
Jay has suggested that it is time to start doing the MANDATORY Download of the Week with people other than himself. I have agreed to do so for this week only. Introducing "America's Favorite Game Show Host" Guy Smiley. If Jay were a muppet he would be Guy Smiley so I thought it was fitting that he would be the MC for today's download. Take it away Guy.
This is How We Do It by
Montell JordanThis song is all about Friday night and feeling alright. It was the number one song on Jay's Phat Mix Vol. 1 and I have to say the numbers don't lie. If you would like to order a copy of Jay's Phat Mix Vol. 1 or 2 you can go directly to the Phat Mix website.
www.ponyboycurtis.comAlso available are Jam's by Jesse, Beth's Blazing Beats and Capguns by Kevin Vol. 1-10. Each CD is available for the low price of free with the exception of Capguns by Kevin Vol. 1-10 which will be sent to you upon losing your jacket at a bar.
MANDATORY Download of the Week
Please accept my apologies for not posting sooner, but I have been getting harassing phone calls from someone named Davor at all hours of the night. He keeps saying "We are so into you" and then he proceeds to quack into the phone. I have changed my phone # but the calls keep rolling in. He sent me a picture in the mail and needless to say it was disturbing. He was wearing a Kentucky (reversible) tank top jersey and he had socks on his ears. If you come across this deranged individual please call 862-Tank ASAP. If Shady Kate answers, hang up.
Now onto the show. Drumroll please...................
Feel Good Inc. by
GorillazGorillaz is a British band that is headed up by Damon Albarn of Blur fame. I am sure many of you remember the annoyingly catchy Song 2. Woo hoo, when I feel heavy metal. They are a cross between Daft Punk and Yanni.
Word to the wise: Don't ever fuck with Yanni. He carries a pool cue over his shoulder and will issue a severe beatdown to anybody that gets in his way. And whatever you do, don't ask him if he is the lead singer of the band Stillwater. I learned that one the hard way.
CONGRATULATIONS!
I have some very good news to report. My good friend John just got engaged to the very lovely Erin. I have uploaded their engagement photo so that you can take a look at the happy couple. I wish them all the best of luck as they begin their new journey together. You guys rock.
A Tribute to Phil Collins and Jay's MANDATORY Download of the week.
I just got off the phone with Jay and he has agreed that it is time to pay tribute to one of his heroes. The one and only Phil Collins. As you can see Phil Collins likes to put pictures of himself on every album cover and I have taken the liberty of doing the same. Jay has seen Phil in concert numerous times and even went so far as to purchase the sketchy leather jacket (complete with pedophile hood) from Phil's
NO JACKET REQUIRED album. In recognition of that monumental album I now present Jay's MANDATORY download of the week (Phil Collins edition).
Sussidio by Phil Collins
I never really understood the meaning of the word Sussidio. I looked it up the other night and the definition is as follows:
\Su-ssud-io\ adjective 1 : someone who mixes ketchup and mayo together in order to put it on a sandwich
What a strange thing to sing about. Oh well. Enjoy.
P.S.
I have a challenge for all those coming out to Vegas for my bachelor party. If you can guess what the bottom picture on the Jay collage is (be specific) I will give you $25 to bet on red or black. If you win I get to keep the money. Sound like a deal?
A Tribute to Phil Collins
MANDATORY Download of the Week
You can all breath a sigh of relief because the MANDATORY download of the week is finally here. Here you go.
NYC by
InterpolCheck out the band photo on iTunes if you would like to know what Macauley Culkin is up to these days (besides being molested by Michael Jackson). He tried to dye his hair jet black, but I wasn't fooled. Please download this song as all proceeds go to the "Screwed Up Child Actor" relief fund. This is a great cause with money being donated each month to a different washed up child actor. This month's recipient is Willie Aames. (Buddy from Charles in Charge) Thanks in advance for all your help as these people really need it.
Top 5 Movies that say "I'm a Closet Homosexual"
Here is a new twist on an old classic. These are not my top 5 favorite movies, but rather movies to be on the lookout for. For example: If you are going through a male friend's movie collection and one of these movies is in there heed my warning and head for the hills. Do not pass go do not collect your $200 just get the fuck out of there. Never speak to that friend ever again. If he tries to call throw the phone out the window. Now without further adieu my Top 5.
1.) What Women Want-Don't let the title fool you. This movie is not what women want.
2.) Grease-The only way you can justify owning this one is if you still fix your hair with a jackknife comb and roll your cigarettes in your sleeve.
3.) Any movie with J-Lo in it-No exceptions. I don't care who directed it, who her co-star was, whether or not she gets naked. No excuses.
4.) Waiting to Exhale-More like waiting to jump off a bridge.
5.) Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood-I feel gay just saying that one.
Keep in mind that this is only the top 5. Be on the lookout for other suspicious movies that may be in your friend's DVD collection. If you aren't careful someday you too will be able to recognize the new Abercrombie skirt.
JPAC's MANDATORY Download of the Week
I'm a day early with this post, but I figured why not. Why download a single song when you can download a whole album? Check it out. For some reason iTunes lists the artist as 2Pac, but I figure it must be a typo. Enjoy.
P.S. I discovered that this is a great album to listen to while changing your own oil.
MANDATORY Download of the Week
It's time once again for the MANDATORY Download of the week.
You'll Get Your's by
DiosNo not that cheesy 80's hard rock band Dio. No offense Sean. Check it out or suffer the consequences.
Consequences may include the following: Anal leakage, bleeding of the eyes, sore throat and/or irregular menstrual cycles. Please consult your doctor if an erection occurs for more than a week.
Orangutan Greg Escapes from the San Diego Zoo!
Orangutan Greg escaped from the San Diego Zoo yesterday and was sighted near Pacific Beach carrying a surfboard. Rumor has it that he is making his way east to Mission Valley to be reunited with his cousin Homosapien Greg. Stay tuned for more pictures as they become available.
If Ford Sucks.....
If Ford Sucks then Chevy Swallows. Sounds like a great idea for a bumper sticker doesn't it. Well much to my dismay some asshole has already beaten me to the punch. Monday on my way to work I saw this briliant declaration on the back of a (surprise) Ford F-150. Can someone please tune me into when exactly the Truck Wars started? Was it back in the early 1900's when Henry Ford beat Jim Chevy to the assembly line and built the first Model T? Or was it in the early 80's when trucks became popular with ex high school football players? Also known as '82 Uncles. (John Wiedenmann,Catch Phrases, Pg. 27, 2000) I would love to know what the beef is between the two sides. Maybe Ford took a shit in Chevy's toilet, didn't flush and then refused to own up to it. Whatever it was one side has to apologize to the other. We have enough problems in the world without having to worry about two trucks fighting over a turd. I kindly ask that all Ford and Chevy (Truck) owners meet this weekend at the local Wal-Mart so that we can finally put this issue to rest.
It's Time for Another Edition of.......
It's time for another edition of guess what is happening in this picture.
A.) Kevin is thinking to himself "If Jay's hands are folded together, who the hell is grabbing my ass?
B.) Kevin just swallowed a toothpick.
C.) Kevin is trying to imitate a naked mole rat.
D.) Kevin sharted.
