Special Introductory Offer! While Supplies Last.
As president of the Jake Voskuhl Fan Club I am offering a special package to all new members.
The package may include but is not limited to the following:
White Skin Cream-This is for all of our tan skinned fans who want to look and feel like Jake. This cream is similar to the one that C. Thomas Howell used for his role in
Soul Man except that it has the opposite effect.
A pair of White Reebok Sneakers with Spongebob Squarepants Shoelaces-We all know how much Jake loves Spongebob.
A 1999 UCONN National Championship bandana-I only have 50 of these left so this will be on a first come first served basis. (Kevin I suggest you contact me ASAP as I know you will not want to miss out on this)
If you are interested in this great offer please send a self addressed stamped envelope to the following address:
Jake Voskuhl Fan Club
c/o Craig Geiger
27 Fifth Year Senior Drive
Can't Jump, CO 90210
*Disclaimer: This post is for entertainment purposes only. In no way am I affiliated with Jake Voskuhl and his fan club. Please do not send a self addressed stamped envelope to the address listed above.
The Jake Voskuhl Fan Club
Have you ever wanted to be the president of a fan club? Well now you can be. All you need to do is find a guy who has no fans and then build a fan club around him. I have chosen Jake Voskuhl and I now appoint myself as president of the Jake Voskuhl fan club. See how easy it is.
Muggle Proof
Don't worry I have decoded this message so that muggles will be unable to read it.
Boring Business Systems is an 80-year-old locally owned office systems company with offices in Lakeland and Tampa, Florida.
We provide total business solutions for our customers, as well as provide the highest level of service support in this area.
SAVE TIME by being able to purchase or gather information on any office product from one source - Boring Business Systems!
The name Boring Business Systems is well known in Central Florida. We market the top-quality products manufactured by Konica and Toshiba. In addition we offer the best service in the area.
Don't take it from us - ask us for a free copy of the results of our annual Customer Service Survey
With more copier and fax technicians than any competitor in the area our response time to our valued customers is 4 hour or less. We offer friendly personal 24 hour service 7 days a week.
Freeze Turkeys!
Look kids. It's Robocop. He is here today to give a few words of advice to all the criminals out there. Go ahead Mr. Cop.
Listen up criminals. I am a human cyborg police officer. I command you to stop all of your criminal acts and bow down before me. I am on the lookout for people riding their bikes while intoxicated. If you ever consider trying this don't. I will find you. I am also on the lookout for people thowing cigarette butts out the window of their cars. Take it from me. Don't be a butthead.Thanks for the advice Robocop. We always enjoy hearing from you.
Top 5 Movies that say "I Have a Light Saber Under My Bed"
Here are my top 5 sci-fi movies.
5.) Minority Report-I hate Tom Cruise, but this is a really great movie. Please rent it if you havne't seen it
4.) Contact-Jodie Foster movie based on a novel by Carl Sagan.
3.) 12 Monkeys-This one may be listed a little high, but nonetheless this is a kickass movie. It makes you think and then it makes you think some more. I also have a man crush on Brad Pitt.
2.) Star Wars Sexogy-Not sure what the word for six consecutive movies would be.
1.) Lord of the Rings Trilogy-All three movies are equally great. They deserve to be lumped together
Air Supply
Does anything suck more than this? I mean look at these fucking guys. According to the official Air Supply website these guys started sucking exactly thirty years to the day. We wish you all the best. Hopefully you will continue to suck 50 years from now.
Trapped in a Sewer With Nothing But a Baloney Sandwich
Here is my list of the top 5 albums I would want to have with me if I were trapped in a sewer with nothing but a baloney sandwich.
Counting down from 5 to 1
5.) Weezer-Weezer
Very catchy poppy alt rock. If you haven't checked out this album please do so.
4.) Various Artist-The Harder they Come Soundtrack
No this is not a soundtrack from a porno flick. This is true reggae. Fuck Beenie Man.
3.) Neil Young-After the Goldrush
The King of Whine. I mean that in a good way though.
2.) Van Morrison-Moondance
Great fusion of jazz and blues. Needs to be listened to in it's entirety.
1.) Radiohead-The Bends
Easily one of the greatest albums of all time. Fuck Ok Computer. That is a great album but it was a crtical darling and everyone likes it because of that fact.
Spike LaPointe's MANDATORY Download of the Week
Do you love crappy reggae music? I sure do. This week's MANDATORY download highlights the crappiest of all crappy reggae music. The MANDATORY download of the week is so crappy this it is featured on Nay's Phat Mix Vol. 1. Never before has a song combined such a total lack of meaning with a catchy beat. Please allow me to introduce to you:
Who am I? by Beenie ManNot sure what song this is? I will now present to you the pinnacle of god awful lyrics. Fasten your seatbelts folks.
"Who's got the keys to my beamer?"
I don't know Beenie Man, who? Maybe Sim Simma has your keys. Maybe Shabba has your keys. I really don't know. I challenge Spike to respond to this post and alert us to who exactly has the keys to Beenie's beamer. If he is able to do so a bright shiny yellow volleyball will be coming his way very soon. Good luck Spike.
Breaking News Flash!
Breaking News Flash!
Jay just joined the AVP and will now be known as Spike LaPointe. I just got off the phone with Brendan S. Tuohy,ESQ and he alerted me to the fact that I am allowed to mention Spike LaPointe on my blog until the cease and desist order arrives in the mail next week. Stay tuned for Spike LaPointe's MANDATORY download of the week.
Lessons from Stowe
Here are five lessons I learned from my weekend in Stowe, VT.
5.) If it ain't broke don't fix it.
4.) Never done before. Never gone do now.
3.) Kevin wouldn't recognize Bill even if he had a sign on his chest that said Bill
2.) Jesse's balls are long and smooth.
1.) Maybe I'll be outside your room, but then again maybe I won't. But then you won't know. But then you will.
