Your Blog Sucks!
Apparently this is the consensus. In the past week I have been bombarded by countless e-mails alerting me to this fact. Here is a small sample from some of those e-mails.
cherrybutterkiss@bmgmusic.com writes:You suck and so does your blog. (hiccup) I can't believe that I am forced to read this shit. (hiccup) Christ. I'm soooo drunk. (hiccup) Update or die.Kevin? Is that you?
jandjcoltonstrattonthethird@jerichonightlife.net writes:Never done update your blog before. Never gone update your blog now. Maybe your blog sucks and maybe it doesn't, but then you won't know if it does, but then you will.Was that last sentence even a sentence?
overeatersanynomous@herbivore.org writes:I can't believe I just ate that entire bucket of Kentucky Fried Tofu. I wish I had some water and tangerine seltzer to wash it down. This lack of updates is turning me gay.Lack of updates is never an excuse to overeat. Hang in there John!
I have just one thing to say in response to these e-mails. Eat Shit!
More to come later this week. Hang in there.
Coats for Kevin
I don't usually like to support causes, but the other night I heard a heartwrenching story about a young man who lost something very important to him. His jacket. Every year thousands of young people are affected by this. The injustice stops now. No one should have to leave the house without a jacket. I am seeking responsible donors for the busy holiday season. All it takes is one jacket every two months. Your donation can be anything from a $10 windbreaker to a $500 North Face parka. Every jacket counts. If you are interested in becoming a sponsor please forward your donations to the following address.
Coats for Kevin
325 Sherman Douglas Avenue
Drunken Sushi, CA 94789
Networks cancel '7th Heaven
I have to say that I saw this coming, but it is sad nonetheless. I saw the decline of this show a year earlier when Simon was tested for an STD. Oops ... I pasted in the wrong portion of the Yahoo news headline.
,' 'Arrested'
Yes, the inevitable has finally occurred. Arrested Development has been axed by Fox so that the network can air the new Carrot Top series. The show is down to it's final eight episodes and does not return until December 6th. This is a sad day for the short list of intelligent people who embraced this show for its comedic genius. How can Arrested Development expect to survive when "Desperate Housewives" is nominated for the Best Comedy Emmy?
The television environment has changed immensely over the last fifteen years and I think this has led to the demise of a few potentially great shows. The networks are no longer willing to give fledging shows a chance to find an audience and prove themselves worthy of millions of dollars in advertising revenue. What if NBC had canceled Seinfeld in the middle of its third season? I happen to own the first three seasons of Seinfeld on DVD and the show was marginal at best. It had not yet discovered it's identity and direction. The show would have been a goner in today's market. The greatest comedic series ever would have been gone in the blink of an eye and Curb Your Enthusiasm would be known only as "that show with the neurotic jewish guy".
TV on DVD. Everybody loves it. I would give my right arm for the third season of Gimme A Break. The only problem is that it has forced the networks to have a very short leash when it comes to cult shows. Why struggle to convince advertisers that a show is worthy of it's dollars when you can just cancel the show outright and sell millions of DVD's to the true fans of the show. This season Arrested Development has drawn an anemic average of 5.5 million viewers. If Fox sells the DVD's for one season of the show and half of the viewers buy it at $30 a pop the network/studio stands to rake in $67.5 million. I'm no mathmetician but that seems like a hell of a lot of money. Isn't that more money than Battlefield Earth made?
In conclusion, we need to stop supporting shows like Wife Swap and that crappy Geena Davis drama on ABC. A woman as president? Is there anything more preposterous* than that? Next thing you know, there will be a show about an inner city black male who goes to live with his rich Aunt and Uncle in a well known Los Angeles suburb.
* If you are a female reader please replace the above word with wonderful.
Did you hear about the new pirate movie? It's rated Arrrr!
John to the group: "I thought pirates were extinct."
Apparently not my dear boy. I have obtained exclusive footage of a pirate ship chock full of well ..... pirates. As you can see they are wielding machine guns and machetes as opposed to the usual pirate artillery of peg legs and eye patches. Also, they seem to have traded in their Jolly Roger for a much smaller and more reliable speed boat. Since when does a group of terrorists on a boat constitute the rebirth of pirates? Look out for Allah Mohammed Hook and his friend Sheik Blackbeard. I'm pretty sure these guys weren't searching for buried treasure.
Amazing Discoveries: Part Deux
I now know the reason why Jay has been so insistent on growing out that rat tail. Earlier today he sent me a picture from last night's trick or treating adventure with Topher. Jay's costume (pictured on left) is none other than Tong Po from the silver screen classic "Kickboxer". I will let you try and guess what Topher's costume is supposed to be.
Hint: His costume is also a character from a classic 80's flick. And no it's not the brother from Gleaming the Cube.
